Hi guys, welcome to my blog and it’s been a while I know 🙂 but I’m back and I just want to share something that’s been on my mind lately.
Since the new year started I have been feeling very insecure about myself. For context, I’ve hardly ever felt secured about my body. But this year has been significantly worse, everyday I’d examine my body and be filled with so much shock and resent and everyday I’d sing the same song “I need to lose weight”. Standing in the mirror and noticing a new pimple, new blemishes and my other favourite song? “I need to clear this skin”
This went on until I judged and hated my body into a slump of depression, I didn’t even know what my body looked anymore. It felt like my body wasn’t my own. I felt foreign in my body, in my body that hosts me, in my body that keeps me alive.
And it got worse, the harshness on my body got worse, the shaming got worse. Hating myself got even worse.
It got worse until I couldn’t anymore and it was saddening to see me hate the body that keeps me well and alive and right now I’m trying…
I’m trying to be grateful, I’m trying to fill it with love, I’m trying to be grateful that it carries me through the most amazing times of my life and through the hardest.
I’m trying my hardest to stop comparing myself and my appearance to other people in anyway (oh my goodness it’s time to get off social media!!)
But moreover I’m trying to soft with myself. I want to give myself the best love, the softest love, and love that can help me grow in areas of my life.
It’s been the hardest few years and months of my life but nobody can give me the love that I need to give myself. Nobody can shine upon me more than I need to shine on myself. I need to keep light for myself, I need to be the light for myself. I need to try and try, I’ll get there.✨🌱