wordsbylindi

Hi Friends 🌸

It has been a while since we last spoke, like a long while and I would like to welcome you back to my blog, where we figure it out once again. 

I think the past two years have been such a blur for me, I don’t know what I am doing, I don’t know where I am going. That type of misdirection can lead you to a lot of conflict, conflict with yourself, with your partner, with your family. But most importantly constant turmoil within self. 

And that is how the last two years have felt like turmoil and conflict but all within self and all it did was make me quiet. I was so quiet, I had nothing to share, I had no ideas to feed to myself to keep me going, I had no words to write, my journals were empty because my heart could not take in anything that is not the commotion in my mind and heart. 

I was hiding, but not from people, but from myself. I held myself hostage, kept myself off the ground. Days did not feel like days anymore, just time passing by and every moment I was hoping to just sleep because sleep was the only peace I knew. 

Silence has since kept me captive because all I did was wallow in shame because on top of everything that I was feeling, I couldn’t keep my head up. Waking up for a new day was my try, I did not want to set goals, I did not want to meet with friends, I did not want to read, I did not want to chat, my thoughts were not mine and that kept me so hidden and ashamed because why couldn’t I just do better?

Why couldn’t I show up? Why did I keep disappointing myself in the ways that I did, why did I let myself down so much? What is it? Why am I in a pit and I cannot get myself out of it?

Why? 

I sat for months introspecting. In and out of depression, anxiety pressing down my chest every hour of the day, my mind clouded with self-doubt constantly thinking “We are not good enough, yet again Lindi”. Day in and day out.

Sigh.

As I am writing this, I can’t say I am writing again because I have figured it out that life is okay again so I am coming out of hibernation. 

I wish.

The depression is still there, the anxiety still keeps me up at night. What is different now is that I want to try again, I want to at least live a life I once knew once again. I want to feel and cry once again. I want to go out into nature and be able to appreciate that there is life in us, there is life outside of us and there will always be life. We are life.

I want to feel okay again, I am trying to be okay. Oh, to be able to wake up in the morning and try once again. To communicate and show up for my loved ones. I might not get it correct, I might let myself down again, I might let my partner down, my family down –  in different ways, however they will be in a position to admit that I am much better. 

I constantly yearn to see smiles on those I love based on how I love and show up for them. And that is why I want to try.

I have to try, I owe it to myself. I am trying, one day at a time, an hour at a time. 

We owe it to ourselves to show up everyday friends, we might not show up our best. We might not show up as our most extravagant each day, but each day does look different and you can show any way you want. 

And I need to remind myself of that every day. Not every day is the same. 

I look forward to blogging and sharing again with you this year, I am not sure what content I will be sharing but I want us to connect again. I hope you have a beautiful 2025, and may God be with us on each day where we choose to show up and be with us in each moment to hope, grace, hardships and blessings. 

You deserve a beautiful, meaningful life. Let’s show up. 

Til next time!🙂‍↔️

Hi friends 🤍

The raining and sunny season is finally upon us and I am so excited for the festive season, I never thought that I would actually make this far this year and just in time for Black Friday in South Africa – I just want to spend all of my money and Black Friday is the perfect excuse. It’s well deserved and I hope you are also spending time with yourself and also spoiling yourself when necessary.

How are you feeling now that we are nearing closer to the end of the year? 

I feel content , surprisingly. It’s not a feeling I feel often and it feels amazing. 

That let me reflect on just how much I went through this year and everything that I also have been through since it has started. The tears, the discomfort, the happiness, the sadness. 

Suddenly I’m on the other side and it’s starting to feel amazing. I feel like myself again.

But there’s definitely a need for self-introspection and journaling because it’s been a very difficult year to process. And if you are battling year-end fatigue I genuinely get it because this has not been an easy year either. I am so sorry that you have experienced such a difficult time. 

We made it through, we made it to the other side where the weather is warmer and things are almost easier.

We will try again next year, for now give yourself grave and pat yourself on the shoulder for how far you have come. You have tried and to me you’re the best thing to ever happen.

I want to you to love and live for the rest of this year. It’s what you deserve.

Till next time🌸🌸

Hi guys, it’s been a long while since we last spoke, and I am so happy to be back. The weather is warmer, and I am starting to meet my gym goals as well since I have been trying to for the past year and now, I look forward to sportswear and Under Armour is my latest addition and obsession to my gym wear, look at that growth?

I have been working hard at achieving most of my goals for the year and I realized that I have reached against on my fitness goals, my professional life goals and personal goals, but emotionally it’s still a challenge.

With all the added pressure from my professional setting – regulating my emotions has been a lot harder. I have tried introspecting why is that the case and often even seeked advise and everyone told me the same thing “once you are in a professional environment, leave your feelings at the door “ sure I’ve heard this advice before and since I was in university but I am so shocked every time I hear it because why does that have to be the case?

I have always considered emotions as a point to see if I am moving at the correct pace with the correct people at the correct time. So hearing this piece of advise makes me a bit nervous and uncomfortable but that’s okay because there is no growth if we are not comfortable.

So I did just that, I moved rather say “emotion-less” in a room full of people I share more than half my day with, it did help with what I should focus on and what I can work around. But truthfully? It left me miserable to say the least.

This one day I was listening to Sia’s Elastic Heart, and I related so much to the song that I said yes that is me in a professional seething, I have thick skin, but I also have elastic heart and I allow myself to feel and redirect myself to feelings that make me understand my reality instead of sitting uncomfortably all the time.

And that’s how I have decided to view life going forward as well, that I am trying my best to get through each day, but I don’t have to be someone that I am not to survive the world, I am trying to balance a career I will be in for a very long time and I can only do so when I can be my true self when I can and when I want to.

I will always go through life choosing to be greater , to live greater and to choose to feel so I can attract better always.

Don’t let anyone change your heart, you’re beautiful inside and out and I hope you know that in every room and situation you set foot in.

I send my regards, till next time!

Hi guys, I hope you are well. I am so excited for what is to come now that we are so close to winter, and I am so happy that we are experiencing warmer weather and I look forward to adding more to my sunglasses and dresses collection.

Recently I experienced an event that actually shook me to the core and it changed my perspective on how I perceive success and getting ahead and it’s an event I have prayed about to get clarity for a while I felt as though I was robbed and unfavoured.

Backstory? Okay, let’s get into it. So since this year has started I have been preparing for an exam that could change the face of my career and everyday for five months I worked as hard as I could to do my best in five months and as the days drew closer I spoke to God to ask for his guidance and what can I do to pass because it was so important to me as it would change what my path leads to and finally my family and I could catch a break.

So, five months in, unexpected events occurred, and I was only a week away from my exam and I had thoughts of moving the exam because I was not coping with the events that had taken place. But how could I when this was my best break? So, we soldiered on, told myself I could do this with tears in my eyes and the little motivation I had in my heart. God and I spoke, and I asked for his guidance, and I felt covered in his love and grace when I went to go write this exam.

And the day of my exam drew nearer, and I was here, the exam room. Looked around and told myself that I went through so much. Like God can’t carry me so far for me not to get this far…right?

I wrote, left the exam room feeling okay – I felt relieved for the most part, but I felt okay leaving this space because I know I have tried, I went to every lecture, I read every source that there was from the internet, did the past papers and I knew it was enough. It was always enough.
And as the days for results day drew closer, I was so delighted for results day. It’s all I spoke about, it’s all I thought about, it’s all I knew to think about, and I knew God and I spoke, so I was okay.

Results day but due to time zone differences I had to wait until 2am to get my results and I couldn’t sleep like there was something wrong, I hardly feel this way when it comes to my academics, what was the problem? I had two anxiety attacks and all I kept thinking about was “don’t check them now, wait for 6am” but I couldn’t sleep so I gave in to the pressure I put myself under and I checked at 2am, and I didn’t make it.

I sat on the edge of my bed, and I thought everything was shattering right before my eyes and all I kept thinking about was “But God I thought we spoke? I thought we agreed that this is for me, why not me right now?”
And that just kept on replaying in my mind “Why not me?”. This was supposed to change my life, I worked hard for it, I prayed for it and prayed everything away that could derail me in the process, so why are here? Why hasn’t anything changed? Wait, why am I worse off?
Safe to say I had the worst 24 hours of my life, telling my family that we didn’t make it broke them because it was only supposed to be up from here. And I switched off my phone eventually and wept and wept.

For weeks I sat in disbelief, I sat in agony. I sat in depressed thoughts that I am not enough and why isn’t life giving me a break. I was so close to the finish line so why not me? Why do I have to go back and run the race again, what did I do?

And honestly, I wanted to look on the bright side so badly, I wanted to find the light in the tunnel I was in. I eventually found the light and that was me trying again and moving away from the expectations I hold with this achievement because for so long I focused on the end and not the moment. The expectations were the ones that kept me going and when it didn’t work out, I felt as though I lost my worth.

For the first time I felt what it feels like to have your own expectations make you experience an entire depressive episode. And when I spoke to God about trying again, this time around I asked for courage to try. The courage to show up again and start doings different and if it doesn’t work out again, we will try til we get it right and not let my expectations get in the way of experiences that are meant to change my life.

I thought I should just share this just in case someone needs to hear that it is okay going to be okay. You will get to where you want to be, you will win over that semester, and you will get that job. We will be okay.

That is all from me. Til next time, take care!🪴✨

By Lindiwe

We are officially in the second half of the year, and I am not too sure if I am happy or sad that the year is moving so quickly. It feels like we are just growing older and older. With that said, my birthday is coming up soon and I am so anxious. My anxiety stems from what has happened in this year and what is yet to come. However, we must stay hopeful because, as I always say, we will always be okay.

On the topic of us being okay, I have decided to do things differently in the second half of this year. My focus is now on my mental health. I have decided to be more mindful about how I treat my anxiety. I decided to aim my search efforts towards anti-anxiety medication. I finally found the perfect option on The Herbalist. Their online store has been a God send with their mental health blogs. These detail how you can manage stress and anxiety. I was so impressed by their insights that I just had to give the anti-anxiety medication a try.

With a single-page design and easy navigation across The Herbalist website, selecting products is simple. The Herbalist has a wide range of products in a well ranked order that are immensely helpful and complement each other – you can use all their products together for remarkable results.

I loved the shopping experience. That part was the best because there was not a single inconvenience in sight. Entering my information only took 2 minutes and checking out my cart was the best feeling in the world.

I contacted The Herbalist about how I am supposed to use the products and their responses were prompt, helpful, and their recommendations were easy to understand as well.

I tried the products immediately after I have received them. Right away, I was in love with the packaging, excellent quality, and affordability of the products. I tried the products for the first time on Monday morning, which is the most difficult day of the week for me, and I felt instant relief. I noticed no ill effects and was to be active for the entire day. I felt confident in their effectiveness with minimal anxiety experienced for the full day. That is what makes this product so unique and important to me. It is gentle to your body and made with natural herbal ingredients. Because of this, you can use long-term as it helps in multiple areas of healing.

I am so happy to have found a new way of improving myself. I am now being more intentional about taking on life and coming back up for air. I pray that the next few months unfold as I hope they will, but we will continue to try again.

See you again! 🌸

By Lindiwe

We in a new season now and it may not be the season I enjoy because I really don’t like the cold and I don’t outdoors as much, but as usual I have been trying to get more items in my wardrobe to layer and I am trying to explore more tops to layer for warmth and comfort. I may not like the cold season, but I most definitely do like the fashion because it so easy to look good effortlessly.

Now that we are in a new season I have been getting into the habit of meditating and journaling more because I believe that it is a time of reconnection and getting back to self and it has made a big difference in my mood and my sleeping patterns as I feel much lighter as I explore difficult emotions.

This is the way that I use my journal prompts to get the best from my journaling sessions, I have themes that I use to reflect which are:
Love in romantic relationships and friendships where I reflect on my traits in love and grace when around my friendships and how these friendships make me a better person, reflect on how they make you feel, reflect on how grateful you are for them and how you can better the current relations that you currently have.
The prompts that you can try for these are:

1. How do your loved ones make you feel?
2. What characteristics do you value most in your relationships?
3. How do you show love and grace to others?
4. What do boundaries look like in your friendships?
   Lately I have been reflecting on my career and I have been thinking about how my current job feels and how I can better get satisfaction from my job without leading to burnout, anxiety, and stress.
   These are the prompts that I use when I think of journaling about my job and career:
5. How do I use my personal strengths to my advantage?
6. How does my job environment make me feel?
7. What are my career ambitions?
   I think growth is a great part of what makes us better people and it is important that we feel fulfilled in what we do so we can be motivated to keep improving in every way that we can.
   Lastly to help with the above the journal prompts self-reflection helps a lot because you will be able to be truthful in your thoughts and emotions and that helps with holding yourself accountable each time.
   The prompts that I explore with regards to self-reflection are:
8. What is important to me and what do I hold very close to my values and beliefs?
9. What do you appreciate most about who you are? What parts of you are hard to accept?
10. What would like to change about yourself?
    This is the most I have been focusing on since the winter has started and I hope that I add more prompts to my journaling as I haven’t been doing this in a while, I hope this helps you too!
    See you again soon!❤️

By Lindiwe

I had a nostalgic feeling the other day when I was looking at Converse Online and it reminded about a part of my life where I felt I was at my happiest, where I felt most at peace and those are the moments that I will forever cherish. Times where all I did was wear my favourite Converse shoes with a comfortable outfit while doing what I love.

Sometimes you realise just how life passes us by. I am guilty of constantly living in my head. I live life on the move without realising just how much of it I am really losing along the way. Especially in the last three years and I really didn’t think it was a problem until I realised just how much I don’t remember of my life in the past three years.

Why is it that when I think about these years, I feel nothing? There’s no song that reminds me of the precious time. Why is there no piece of clothing that reminds me of a time that was okay?

And that brought me to introspecting on what I can do to make my life more memorable as before an this put me on a quest to find out what can I do to feel more alive and live in the morning.

This brought me back to wanting to be more intentional about myself and my space and who I also allow in my space. I want to account to every moment in my life and what I want to achieve in my life and how I can reach the level of satisfaction, and that means spending more time with myself or other people in my life.

Recently I have been more intentional about going outside and that have been the best mood booster and that allows me more time to reconnect with myself, to find things that have made me happy and doing them again so I can feel happier again. While being outside I also realised the importance of being present in what I want to do with my time and environments I want to be a part of now and in the future.

On the topic of being outside more often, I have found peace in the void. I think a part of not being fully present in what you want to do is the fact that sometimes and it’s a void that you cannot necessarily shake off and for months I could not shake off the void, the inadequacy, and the feelings of depression and to admit that did take so much away from me and I would like to never experience that for a while. I want to be intentional and present.
And if you like me, someone who holds on to feelings of nostalgia and feeling connected to a memory means a lot to you and you have not experienced that in a long time because of your mental health and feelings of void, it’s okay.

Sometimes I feel like I say that we are going to be okay way more than I should but we are going to be okay and one day we will look towards to the sky and realise just how much work we have put into ourselves and how much we have poured into ourselves so we can face the world. We will feel once again, and it will so be so glorious.

Till next time!

Hi guys, I would like to start off by saying happy new year and I hope you’ve had easy and kind days since the year has started.

This year I have been challenging myself to start doing different, dare myself and start doings things differently and as always, I start off with my wardrobe as it helps me figure out the state of mind that I am currently in. So, I started adding more clothes that can brighten my mood and some Swimwear Online into my wardrobe and Swimwear is now my obsession I hardly go out swimming and it’s been something I have been trying to do so often now.

But how are you friend? Because I can tell you a whole lot has happened to me since we last spoke. The good, the bad and most importantly in all of that I also realised how much things really change and that always shocks me on how things can just change in a matter of days, weeks, months, and years.
Since the last few times we spoke I have been trying to figure out how to live, heal and most importantly try again and I have seen significant changes to how I have been viewing life and everything that has been happening around me.

I have been more attentive of the way that I feel with myself and other people and that has made me appreciate life and myself more. I now appreciate the times that I told myself to try even when I could not try to be present, and I was okay with just trying to be there.
I think for the first time I always told myself that it will not always be like this, and it gets better, and I hope it gets better than this. And I know friend that maybe you are not okay now and that is okay, it’s okay to feel everything that you must feel, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to feel alone.

But if there is one thing that I can guarantee you is that it does get better, it will always hurt but it will get better, the skies will look prettier, the air will be lighter but eventually there will be a smile on your face.

I didn’t want to say much, I just wanted to that we are going to be okay.

Thank you, take care!🌸✨

By Lindiwe

Hi friends, I hope you are well, it has been a while since we last spoke to each other, I have been enjoying the summer weather and my wardrobe is changing once again which is what I like, it is filled with dresses, shirts, and I also got a few T-shirts online as well and I have been trying new patterns and ways to express myself through clothing and patterns.

I had previously written about trusting in the process and what that can also look like for me, and I am at a point where I am ready to heal from the events that have happened this year and finally let go and finally let peace in.

I realised that we are not guaranteed that would have the answers for everything or feel certainty in every situation, and it is okay that we won’t know exactly how things are going to turn out. There is no peace in stressing about situations that you cannot control and what you can’t control you have to let go of.

This year I have been through phases that broke me, that built me and now I am in a phase that is healing me. I have realised that allowing yourself to feel and learn to love yourself through every phase of your life that can lead you to a place of being content and ready to live life again.

I have learned to take it slow, to allow it all to happen, to learn how not to internalise it. I have been allowing days to be days and nights to be nights and constantly reminding myself that the sun will shine again.
And I have realised that there are lot of ways I can make myself happy, as you know I love shopping, being with friends, painting, going out to nature and exploring all the universe has to offer.

There will be a time where I will look back and realise that it did become okay and I am okay with that and what comes with that, I will remember the times where I cried until I didn’t know what to do anymore but years from now that won’t matter, so I am allowing the days to unfold, I am allowing life to be and be what it can be.
I am always willing to take it slow and allow what is meant to be and what will find me will find me, so every day I will find peace in the fact that life will unfold, we can plan but God decides.

So, in the new year I am looking forward to healing, this year was a year for lessons, but I am trying to feel better again, I want to feel better about myself and the life that I lead. In the new year I pray for abundance, peace, and endless love.

I wish you all the best in the new year and I hope that you rest and love yourself for the remainder of the year, I hope you let healing and love find you and constantly remind yourself that life will unfold how it wants to and what you are doing is enough and what you have done is enough.
I wish you all the best festive season and take care!🌸🤍

By Lindiwe

And we meet again, when the weather is warmer, and life is looking just a little bit better. As you all know that spring/summer is my favourite season and I get to reconnect with my loved ones, explore with my fashion sense, I have been looking into trying out new dress styles, shorts and crop tops to buy now.

With all that said, how are you? I wanted this blog to be a check in, how are you really doing? Because friend, there’s a lot I would like to offload and tell you since we last spoke.

So where do I begin? Remember the times they told us that things usually get better eventually? Yes, that is the period of my life I am currently in and to be honest I appreciate this season, but I also feel a bit lost. I feel as though I am not deserving of this little glimpse of happiness and love that I am currently getting now, and I always must remind myself to continue to be kind to myself and the thoughts I have about myself.

I wanted to check in with you guys, so I don’t feel as though I am self-destructing because honestly it feels like I am. I have been so used to being in spaces where I constantly to be on the lookout and to hide and guide my feelings to avoid expectations and disappointments.

And now that I shouldn’t do that, I won’t lie I don’t know how to act but this feeling is strange and freeing because I don’t know a feeling like this. I have always said that I want to be happy, and happiness knocked at my door and gave me exactly what I wanted, and I don’t know how to act? Sounds like I really don’t know what I really want.
This made me think harder about intention and what you can expect from those intentions.

In my case, I prayed and never really expected the prayer to come to fruition and I was disappointed in myself for that because I always speak of intention, so this is the thing I did to stop the cycle of self-destruction and that is working through the negative emotions, It’s so easy for negative emotions to take over the moment you have been waiting for so long and it is not easy working through them either.

And it is okay to feel like the negative emotions are taking over, but realising that feelings aren’t facts it will be easy for you to take note of what you are feeling and accept the negative thoughts for a minute but do not allow yourself to be consumed by the negative thoughts. You can however allow yourself time to feel these emotions.

I have noticed that I do not give myself time to work through the negative emotions and that is not fair on myself and the progress I am trying to make in my life at the moment, so I allow myself about a day to feel everything I need to feel, journal through the feelings, have a moment to myself and at the end of the day let all of those emotions go.

I also like to reassure myself, and I am making it part of my self-care ritual, to re-assure myself that I am deserving, because the good things that are coming my way now? I deserve that and I deserve everything good that is coming my way.

My last message to you and myself is that everything will be okay, and we will be okay, we will overcome the hurdles, and we will get everything good.

Let’s enjoy this new season.

Take care, til next time!🌸

picture: pexels.com