I am in this gloomy room I got here just yesterday My new owner says I look beautiful I can believe that I think she’s beautiful too She says I smell good and I believe that She’s a good person So perfect She’s what I am every time I am watered Radiant She feels like home, she is home In her possession I will always feel wanted She makes me feel wanted It’s my second day and she’s taking pictures right beside me She has watered me; I look as beautiful as her She looks like everything is going to be okay She’s the pillar of strength one meets once in a lifetime There’s so much love and life in her It shows on her skin, her smile I am just a flower but it’s rare to find somebody who’s always in their raw form I’m just a flower.
It’s been a few weeks since we were told to self isolate leading up to a lockdown and immediately this had a toll on my mental health. I was overwhelmed at how fast things were moving, how fast my life was changing.
I then tried to get the best of it all and tried self care routines,exercising, planning my reading times and blogging times. Well let’s say I really tried to do all of this. In the first week I was still trying to make sense of it all, an hour at a time. I tried sticking to the schedule that I had drafted for myself.
One hour at a time I took it. And I did try to stick to the schedule. But I just couldn’t. All I wanted to do was lay around, nap and do absolutely nothing. I didn’t want to be productive or learn something or even start a new habit in the first 21 days. I didn’t want none of that. It was overwhelming that I tried to not overcome the fear and uncertainty I was feeling and I tried distracting myself with schedules and tried to overcome it all. I tried, but the depressed me just took over. I wanted sleep to get over it all.
But amidst all of that, I was very sad for not achieving my weekly goals because I chose sleep over productivity. I felt sad about that because this is probably the last time I’ll get this much free time ever again. So I beat myself up for it over and over again, and in the second week I drafted a new schedule and new weekly goals. And that week I chose both sleep and productivity and I got to achieve half of my weekly goals.
In the third week I was calmer, more clearer of my head space so I didn’t draw up any weekly goals, I still chose sleep and productivity simultaneously – some days I chose neither. Some days I was okay with staring into space and scrolling on social media and interacting with friends to even care of what I need to enhance about myself in this time.
Right there and then, I realized that it’s okay. It’s okay to do whatever you want to do in this uncertain times. You don’t need to learn anything new, you don’t need to form new habits. It’s okay to rest, it’s okay to sleep. It’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself, you’ll get up when you feel the need to for yourself in your own time. Always take it easy.
We often hear that communication is key to solving all corners our lives and helping us strength our relations with people as we always need to be honest and upfront with our feelings and intentions.
And this is something I have been struggling with for most times in my life, being upfront – being intentional.
I’ve always felt as if being too open with people and being too truthful will open room for vulnerability and that can be used against me. I had ruined too many relations because I had always distanced myself to avoid feeling as though I’m over relying on anybody to help me with my true feelings of what may have been happening in my life then. I did not see the need to speak or effectively communicate.
Well until I met my current partner and right there and then I discovered a new world of what it is to understand and to be understood. I must say I didn’t know how to not fight with my words and actions when I had been wronged, I did not know how to keep calm even in commotion.
I realised that I had to realise one thing, that distancing myself in attempt to fix my life and not bother anybody with my problems made me feel frustrated and even more lonely than ever before.
Communication and apprehension have been the biggest priority in my life ever since I realised that if I want to keep moving in my life and to keep the beautiful people in my life I had to keep that going by constantly sharing what I want to share with them and also understanding then when they have things to tell me.
There’s progression in being calm and being able to speak to yourself about your life and other people. There’s progressing in knowing that isolating yourself would only make it feel better for a while but not in the long run.
We as humans need each other, listen to other people and be intentional and most importantly know that you do not have to go through this life thing alone. Til next time, Keep Well!
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life” – Rumi
We often get caught up in our mandness and the clutters of life and we forget to listen and give a chance to be grateful. Being grateful brings more blessings and helps with manifestations, for what you are grateful for, you will still be grateful for what is to come.
And that’s the beauty of gratitude, the sense of thanking the universe for what is here, and thanking it for what is yet to come. Therefore we should look into our lives and everyday be grateful for what we have, to be grateful for our health, our family, another day to live, the opportunities that always unfold before our very eyes. And everyday we should express our gratitude to maintain a positive attitude and to try to see the good out of life.
“The secret to having it all is already knowing that you do” -Unknown
Belief and constantly manifesting the reality that I want is something that I do almost everytime, and I’ve had some of my manifestations come to life and it always feel surreal.
But I always remember that if it is meant for me it will come and it will last. And I’ll forever be grateful to the universe for what it provides and what it will continue to provide.
When we realise how we are constantly grateful for the things that we have, we open up doors and make manifest more positive behaivour and attitudes into our lives. So, what are you grateful for today?
Rose in The Dark – By Lindiwe This review about Cleo Sol’s new release “A Rose In The Dark” that excited her fans including myself late March. I personally discovered Cleo on the Colors show when she performed her EP(Winter Songs) top charter “Why Don’t You?” in 2017 and right there and then I was blown away. Cleo always wows her fans with an 80s/90s aesthetic that follows in her music to the way that she dresses. She is known for her contemporary songs/acoustic songs that fall in the contemporary RnB and Neo Soul music genre.
Moving to her first ever album — “Rose In The Dark”, It’s safe to say that sis delivered hey! After her singles last year that also did well on YouTube, “Sweet Blue ” & “One” , I’d love to share that this album was definitely worth a listen.
This is mostly because of the way she kept on delivering very important and sentimental messages throughout the entire in the album and the acoustic feel complemented the entire purpose in the album, and I couldn’t be more happier. To my favourite song in the album ” Butterfly”, the message conveyed in the song is that we should always keep the faith even though things don’t always in our favour and to never give up on ourselves and our dreams.
That message right there exactly what some of us should remember and keep to ourselves for as long as we possibly can, that even though things don’t go in your favour whenever you want them to, keep within faith and remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and faith is what will keep us growin, eventually the dreams will unfold right there and then. And “Butterfly” Cleo Sol’s album is my new favourite piece of music and if you have heard the album before, let me know which song spoke to you and why. If you haven’t listened to the album, what on earth on are you waiting for!??
For my next review I’ve got in mind another up and coming vocalist and I’m so excited for this one. Keep tuned. til next time, keep well!
Greetings and welcome to other one of my blog posts after going MIA for a few weeks (It’s been a nightmare!) , but that brings me to this conversation — self doubt and losing direction. I have been battling with this for a while now and it’s something that has affected me in many ways.
This limits your capabilities, it impacts your mental health and you just don’t trust yourself the way you are supposed to any longer. I must say that I experience self doubt and imposter syndrome simultaneously and I never really believe that I can own that sense of greatness in me. I sometimes don’t believe it’s my work that I write. And for a while I have let it consume me, and sometimes it still does. That’s where the sense of lost direction just comes into a place, ugh this is a lot now isn’t it? It is, it’s even more overwhelming when you want to do something or you want to follow a certain path but yet the process escapes you. Now, this is why I’m always in and out of reach with my art creation. Self doubt that in the process makes me lose the path I set myself on. This is the nightmare. I have googled so many ways to get over this and I haven’t found anything that has worked for me using that platform. So right there and then I made a few adjustments in my life and the way I do things that can help me with this situation and I hope that they can work for you too.
Journaling – I use this as a coping tool, it gives me freedom to express myself without feeling like I’ll be judged, it gives me freedom to be myself and be in touch with my genuine self.
Meditating – I use this to tap into my connection with the universe and to get my mind to be as still as I possibly can and reminding myself that I can be all I want whenever I need to be.
Doing tasks that can make me feel good about myself: better known as self care. Reading books, listening to loud music, dancing freely, take long baths, check up on friends, watch series. All that is rewarding to myself, an instant mood lifter. But at the end of day we should look into ourselves, and remind ourselves that we can achieve all we can if we can put our mind to it. I’ve been trying to do that, to remind myself that I’m worthy of all I’ve achieved and all I can still achieve. I want to turn this self doubt to self confidence, it’s been and it’s still going to be a difficult journey, but I believe it can still happen. Thank you for reading. If you’d love to share some tips on how we can get over this please reach out on my instagram or twitter. Til next time, take care!
