By Lindiwe

🌱

It is the start of the new year and I would just like to start of by wishing a good prosperous year and I hope you achieve and release your gaols this year.

Of course, many of us may feel that this year might not be so different from last year, I am already starting to feel like the year is just a continuous 2020. I still feel as though there is still hope for me to live better this this year, to feel better, to let my guard down and just explore this year.

And I know that is so hard to achieve with this “new normal”, but I just want to try. And I feel that this outlook has been helping my anxiety. I entered the new year with such a heavy heart, seconds into 2021 and I was letting my loudest tears run down my face. I just could not believe just how much I have achieved, how much I have been bottling inside me for so long. I just didn’t realise how much pain I was holding in until I couldn’t let room for a smile, I could not make time for a chat with a friend… until I gave up all the things that gave me peace and that was my biggest torture.

I was mostly angry with how the year went by; I was so angry that this was not the year I had envisioned. I was so sad at how many people where losing their loved ones. It was so hard seeing other people in agony, that I started falling into my own depressive episodes.

But I hope to believe that I feel way better now, I feel energised for a new start again, and I do not know where it will lead by I hope for greener pastures this year. I hope I can grow my blog, so it reaches more and more people who like what I have to say, and write more and more series reviews that people would love to read.

I hope this year goes just a little better for us, at least for our sanity.

I hope this year is a lot better for all of us.

Let’s try.

🌱

I May Destroy You

This series is an HBO production and it was released between 7 June to 14 July. It is a drama series that has had a big impact on people this year.

“I May Destroy You” is just one of those brilliant HBO ideas, Michaela Coel, wrote and was a lead actress in her first written series “I may destroy you”

Firstly before everything else I would like to warn you that there are scenes of rape and homophobia that may be triggering to some viewers.

The series starts of light and Arabella (Michaela Coel) is the lead actress and we can note that she has a carefree personality.

The opening scene starts in Italy where Arabella was sent by her publishing company to go get inspiration to write her next book and she also found the love of her life in that city.

Arabella was shown to be a carefree writer from the opening scene. The background of the story does not develop in Italy but in London where Arabella is from and the rest of the series picks up from there.

The first night that Arabella spends back in London, she already finds herself between a rock and a hard place and she has to make a decision that can hurt her career or that can hurt her social life, so Arabella decided to neutralise and decided to show up for both and that was the night that changed her forever.

“I may destroy you” is a series of development, from that night that changed Arabella forever, she kept changing in each episode, her ideals and views started changing all around her. Her life became difficult from that night and some events that took place after then changed how she saw the world, her family, her friends and how she now socialises.

In these personal and career developments that Arabella, you will notice as a viewer signs of anxiety and depression in the character but not only Arabella but in her friends and family too.

The series has a great soundtrack, and the visuals are upbeat and are very modern and give off a cool look through out the show so I will give a good 9/10 for the visuals and soundtrack.

Overall I will give the series 8/10 and I will recommend that you watch it and I hope that you will have the same experience as I did.

Stay tuned for my next review!

I have fallen in and out of love with myself often. Some days self love seemed so effortless, so kind, so gentle, so possible. Some days it was ugly, uncomfortable, and draining.

It’s always so easy to tell yourself or other people “Just love yourself” but the process is hardly spoken of. The self doubt that often creeps in, the lonely days and nights because you are realising that the people that you keep around are no good to you.

But self love also feels amazing, waking up in the mornings and reminding yourself that you’re beautiful, motivating yourself through the bad days and smiling all the way through aligning and brightening your own path.

We’ve all had a tricky and difficult year this year and we should be kinder and softer to ourselves than we have ever been before. Take your emotional, mental and physical health as a priority. Give yourself a break and take every opportunity to rest.

We may not be where we all want to be in life at the moment and this year made it all seem difficult but we will heal, we will succeed and we will love ourselves more than we ever did.

Take Care. 🌿

By Lindiwe

Hey guys! Happy new month, I hope this month brings you all love, peace and happiness.🌺✨

So listen, I know I’ve been gone for way too long. It’s been a few weeks since I had last put out ANYTHING.

But in all honesty these last few weeks have been significantly harder for me than any time in my life. I was always extremely anxious and all I wanted to do was just sleep and live in my shell with as little social interaction as possible.

I could never find it in me to be consistent with anything including doing all the things I loved. Everyday was gloomy, same routine, same feeling, same demotivation, same dark hole.

And honestly, I don’t know a worst time in my life than this one. Waking up and feeling drained and motionless after 8 hours of sleep was hell. Walking a different route to the mall so you don’t meet anybody you know because they’ll know something wrong with you is hell. Constantly ignoring self reflection because you’re scared of what you’ll realise about yourself is hell. Listen, it was hell. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

But as I’m writing this at this moment I’m okay, stepping into everyday easy and some days are better than others. I’ve blogged before about how having a routine can be helpful and I’m following my own advice again.
It’s been 5 days since I decided I want to take an active step in changing how I feel and how I live through each day. I’m getting better at helping myself realise my toxic traits and how I can change them, I’ve gotten better at scripting my manifestations
I’d say this a good space, a breath of fresh air.

The next step with a new step. letting myself know everyday that I’m worthy and every situation is a lesson and not a personal attack on the self. Getting myself know that I’m not alone, I am surrounded by love and constant abundance. That disappearing and being emotionally unavailable is okay, that maybe in that time you are watering yourself into a new path in your life.

If you’re like me or even feeling something close to what I’m feeling, know that you’re not alone. You are loved, you are the light, your feelings are valid, the days will get better and know that flowers also bloom in the darkness as much as they do in the light.

We will be okay.🌱

BY LINDIWE

I have been into literature since I had been in high school, I never really minded it nor had I ever thought I’d want to be a writer/blogger/poet by the time I’m in my twenties… and the first book that changed all of that was “the perks of being a wallflower”.

I remember reading the book and 16 year old me was starstruck. I don’t know which one had the most impact on me, falling in love with words perfectly written or that this book could help 16 year old me heal and realise that sometimes being an outcast was okay, that sometimes It’s okay to get stuck on words because your mind keeps racing. The book made me feel okay and accepted.

So I started writing, I wrote poetry, screenplays, I tried write a book (but I really had no patience with that). I never got to see them through because I had never ever intended to share them with other people but the more I wrote, I always felt free – I felt unjudged and so whole. And that’s how words became my healing. My healing became summarising my hurt on a poem with my heart aching and tears running down my face as gut wrenching as this may sound but it felt good. It felt good finding a safe space to turn your misfortunes and mental challenges to art, to your art.

This is how my life has been put together in and out of these slumps. I’d put off writing until my life feels like a nightmare again(I should really stop doing that) but I love the feeling I get when I start reconnecting with my heart once more. I love the feeling of reassuring myself through words that I too am enough – even when I hardly believe it. I love the feeling of getting lost in my thoughts and I write a poem that relieves me off my misery.

I guess what I wanted to say in this blog is that I love writing, I love poetry and I love words and my art has gotten me to a point where I’m so comfortable with being vulnerable in it with everyone without being ashamed of it and this has really changed the way I feel and do things.

So now let’s talk, what’s your favourite thing that you love doing that makes you feel brand new everytime?

By Lindiwe

It’s so beautiful for me to see myself pick up pieces of myself that I never thought I would

It’s so heartwarming to see myself being kinder and more patient with myself With every act of this generous gesture to myself

I fall in love with myself, over and over again

– conversations i should have with myself more often

By Lindiwe

You glaze at me with your perfect eyes
I’m wondering exactly what are you looking at
Because you see the world that has become in me
And my thoughts are filled with faults I’ve never forgiven myself for
“I love you” you said
How are you so at peace with somebody who’s not at peace with themselves?

By Lindiwe

It’s been a couple of months since our lives have been turned upside down by this pandemic and having is adjust to changes quickly so we can cope with the new normal.

I haven’t been blogging lately because online learning is my biggest nightmare and also I’m just lazy, I won’t even deny it lol.

But I must admit even though I’ve been more “productive” I have been feeling out of place lately,completely withdrawn from reality and completely unmotivated to do anything. So basically the past few weeks my body has been just carrying me and I found myself back to my happy place again, here on this blog.

I’m not here to say much but that we should continue to try to the best we can during this time,do things that make us happy, do the things that make us happy until we cry, do things that expose our true raw selves.

That we should enhance our talents and abilities to remind ourselves that we move with tender unique purpose.

You are loved, you are beauty, you are golden and each day is another chance given to you for a purpose.
You are cared for, you are important and loved.

Remember that, because I am writing this for the both of us, live and feel every moment

• A note to myself and to you.

Take care and be well

By Lindiwe

Hey guys, I’m finally back from a long two weeks of online tests and I must say being back feels great!

I have been thinking lately about starting a new journey and take up something that might have better and stronger opportunities for me; and I told myself to just start. That’s what matters to just start right?

Often times we are told to follow our dreams and ambitions and it all sounds to easy on the surface, especially when you face challenges like money constrains, the environment you’re in doesn’t allow for your content creation and also time.
That’s what I’ve been facing, and it has been very demotivating and sometimes I want to throw it all away.

But then I remember why I wanted to start, why it occupied my mind so much that I wanted to start.

Purpose. When you start you must have purpose, purpose of what you want for yourself, purpose of where you’d love to see yourself in 5 years. Being insightful of your underlying purpose can help you out of situations where you’d feel like just dropping everything because of the challenges you’ll face.

Patience. Be patient. When you decide to go towards your goals remember that everything takes time and everything will happen in due time.

Believing that it will all align. Your efforts will align with your goal as time goes by, you will see that your constant and consistent efforts will align all you’ve planned and that’s the beauty of it all.
When things get tougher, remember why you started. This is a process, and there will be challenges that you’d need to overcome it’s okay to feel demotivated but always remember why you started.

If you’re reading this and you have been thinking of an idea but didn’t know how to execute it? Do your research, find the purpose of why doing this will mean a lot to you and start going towards your goals.

We’re all capable and all will come together in it’s own time.

Til next time! Keep well!